My Blue Notebook

Cheesy flashback

2011-04-08T12:01:00.003+08:00

Way back in my first account, there is this one fave story of mine told by our team captain. "Who moved my cheese?" is a story about 2 men (Hem and Haw) and 2 mice (Sniff and Scurry). They all live in a maze, and each day they go out to find the cheese station for their cheese - their life. Sniff and Scurry use their instincts to look for the cheese, while Hem and Haw use logic. Their logic got the better of them, however, when one day all the cheese disappeared from their usual station. They waited in vain for the cheese to return, until one of them (forgot who exactly) decided that it's to move on and look for another cheese station. He left that other person, still waiting for the cheese to come back.

Looking back, I thought that I would be one of the mice. Using their instincts, they were able to 'forecast' when the cheese will be all gone, so it was easier to move on to the next cheese station. I could sense somewhat if something is about to happen, and that I could cope with the changes. I still believe so. Then again, after my latest employment, I could hardly believe I moved on from the previous account. I am still longing to be one of the guys playing games, all the while speaking to someone and fixing their computer and their game. It was hard to admit, but it comes back every now and then whenever I remember those days. I'm not going to reason anything about this; but moving forward, if you want to find you next 'cheese', you should be all prepared for the worst to come. That good cheese may not appear again, but hopefully, a better cheese will be out there for you!

Reminiscing 2010

2010-12-31T10:53:00.003+08:00

Less than 14 hours before 2011 comes. And yet, somehow, I am reminded of 2010 as if it only came in yesterday. The days came in very fast, so I thought it was only a dream when it happened. Indeed, a lot of things happened, and one way or another I was able to cope and survive.

Looking back to those days, some of the things I enjoyed the most was when I was finally promoted; well, at least for a few months. I learned new things and enjoyed the company of the people I've worked with. Along with being the highlight, it also was my low-light. After leaving the account, I felt demotivated because I felt I was cheated of the post I earned for years of working on the company. Then again, I made a few mistakes and was likely unable to reach their expectations. Whatever the reasons, I will leave it as such.

Another highlight (if this is considered one) is the revival of my pRO account. I was finally able to reach Transcendence with my characters - Ayette and Cyrina. Thanks to the Renewal updates, this became possible. Although, they still have a long way to go.

A lot more will happen. Another 365 days will pass by. And after that, everyone will ponder - what happened for me this year? For me, I pray that I can live this year peacefully, and that I learn more things as I travel along this journey of life.

New Chaos New Character

2010-12-19T01:38:00.008+08:00

So far, my Guillotine Cross is completing the necessary job level before stepping into the third jobs, and my Biochemist and Priest are steadily leveling. Today, I created my 4th character - an archer class type.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/Willette_Clay/screenNewChaos130.jpg

I plan on creating a Dancer from this Archer - a character that I created in Sakray, but was unable to fully play. Kind of a regret I had before, I guess. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out to be a regret playing this character as well.

Digging the notebook from the clutter

2010-12-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

It's been way too long since I last updated this blog. Not that I post regularly, but I wish I did. Anyway, thanks to "Suigintou" (my netbook), I got to browse online and post here. I plan on getting a camera next, but it'll wait... for a while. I wanted to finish what I need to finish online, so for now, this is all I can write about.

What happened so far...

2007-08-31T15:53:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I last posted here. Been busy on work and/or forgetting to put a line or two on this blog. And I did promised that I'll put something here about Perfect World...

Anyway, I've been playing Perfect World alright; but not in a regular basis. My leveling phase is pretty slow since I prioritize work. Well, it's not just that; but I'll tackle that later.

Back to Perfect World - I said that I'll be a Wingkin when this game comes up. I did - after I stopped leveling my lvl 15 Yaojing (Beast). I thought of being a semi-nuker semi-support character since I thought that Yulings (Wing, Cleric) also has a good potential of being an offensive character. So far, I'm enjoying the life of a solo-leveler, and I haven't bought any pots yet. But most likely, I'll be buying some since sitting down after I ran out of SP cuts my leveling time. I've been planning out the skills as well, since I wish to max out the skills that will be most used as a support & offensive build. Pretty much hard work, but I want to make this build work...

Ok, about work... well, let's just say it got pretty much complicated ever since an officemate showed "interest" over me. And I'm still surprised at how he shows his "interest"; really surprised. I know he's almost there, but I'm still stopping myself. Many reasons. It would've been nice, though...

Durn... I still need to level my character... and that Feather outfit for PW... I wish I can get the color I need...

Problem again?

2007-05-13T02:31:00.000+08:00

Usual day for me answering emails; yes, I'm here in the office working in the weekend night. It was ok so far; I just got revenge over my two loses in DOTA - I just got a 'Godlike' kill in the end of the round (evil laugh), and we were just playing a game in preparation for the new game releases.

I guess the real question here is - what's up with the title (lol)?

Anyway... there's this guy over at our office that was probably in vacation leave for two days. Never got word why he was out though; and it's not like I go snooping over him. I just got to talk to him a little over today. And it took me about 10 minutes before I could decide to talk to him. Nice, eh? <_<

I guess the main reason of this is because I felt this guy is hiding something from me. I'm having a hunch of what it is, but I don't want to say this is really it. And it's not like I'm a master at this kind of thing...

Well, I got over that little chat. But it was just a simple greeting and all that. Just hoping that when he gets back to the office he'd talk to me a little more…-_-;;

Sentiments of a Board Lurker

2007-04-04T04:45:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am your so-called "lurker" in a community board - just looking around, checking what topic I could participate in, but most of the time just reading whatever interesting posts comes around.

I've been to some international boards; one of them would be ragnainfo.net. http://www.ragnainfo.net/forums/index.php

They're quite strict regarding posts - they don't allow duplicate threads, and if such is seen, the new thread will be merged with the older one. Although, I'm not sure how they sanction the board members who do spam.

In our local boards; unfortunately, I have seen the worst yet moderating of a community board http://ragnaboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?.

Yes, LU, it's your very own Philippine Ragnarok Online Board. Compared to her sister/brother games RF and PW, Ragnaboards is a very big mess. I wish your Mods had checked the pRB lately; I've seen a couple of "Top 10" threads, and on the Ninja section, there's got to be 5 or 6 threads that can be merged in only 1 thread.

My biggest sentiment here is - you have some of the famous Mods and all that, and when exactly do they show up to clean the boards? Yes, I clearly know they have life outside the boards, but can they be a bit "strict" with the rules? Maybe, give sanctions to spammers? And a hell lot are creating flamebait threads, and they escape the Mod's eyes. It's a real shame, unfortunately... and I thought Waukeen was hiring new Mods... I wonder where they are.. *sigh*

Posts, posts, and more posts!

2007-03-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

This afternoon, I went to Pacific Star to claim the much awaited CBT CDs for Perfect World. Unfortunately, the only CBT CDs available are for Silk Road. Yay. -_- It wasn't much of a surprise though, since I had a thought not to go there in the first place and check the blog first before heading out to Buendia; but hell no, I went straight there...

Anyway, I visited the Perfect World Community, and as always there's a lot of duplicate threads. That's not the first time I've seen that. But I have to be thankful that the board mods are active in closing these duplicate threads. Not all forums are lucky...

In pRO Ragnaboards, it's hell worse. If you've been on the Ninja thread, you'll see those threads asking for the same topic and/or subject over and over - and ironically, they can get their answer on only 1 thread. Unfortunately, pRB mods are not active. So duplicate threads such as those are not locked immediately. That also goes for spam threads.

I once tried myself for the Mod application. But until now, no reply. I guess I'm not qualified as a Mod (for them). Anyway, I guess I can only act as an eye on the boards... just that...

Typical day at the office

2007-03-24T04:01:00.000+08:00

At the time I'm typing these things, I'm trying to get my head together, as I am all-hell-sleepy. Our shift has just finished, and somehow I'm recalling that this is Saturday morning - after the Saturday 6PM shift is over, I'm in my day-off... again...

Yes, my life is quite fast-paced these days. Just this Monday, I was remorsing at the fact that we don't have internet, and that Perfect World CB has started without me. Erk, forgot to mention before - I actually won on the blog contest by Waukeen X3. So, hopefully in the future this blog will be filled with PW stuff. And I finally decided to go Cleric/Priest... hybrid that is, the way I always played.

Anyway, a while ago I also PMed Tom Valor about my fanfic. He's a resident fanfic writer on fanfiction.net, and he was one of the few who read and commented on my work. Hopefully, I'll get a response later this afternoon.

Whew... and in a few more hours... another round or two of DOTA with my colleagues... whee... @_@

Perfect World (Part 2) - My Dream Race (lol)

2007-03-15T17:57:00.000+08:00

The above screenshot is a sample of the Race I wish to take when I play Perfect World - Wings. A lot of MMORPGs have characters that are able to use wing accessories, but only for fashion purposes. Now, this is probably the first on Phil. MMO that really use their wings to fly. Not only that, but the character customization tops up any MMOs. From head to toe you can customize your character; if you already tried playing The Sims 2, then you'll have an idea of how to customize your characters in Perfect World. Aside from that, the clothing can be customized to your liking, and you can even learn how to make this, including the creation of weapons and armor thru the crafting schools. This feature somehow reminds me of Fairyland and Runequest; the mechanics most likely similar to these games.

For the Wings race, you can choose between the Archer type and Cleric type. In any MMO's the Archer uses a bow and arrow, while the Cleric usually is the support type character. I've been a melee and semi-support character for a while, so it's a pretty tough choice what to pick between the two types. But whatever job I choose, I'll more likely be supporting my team/clan on the battlefield, backing them up whenever needed.

... still, Archer or Cleric... hmm......

Perfect World - A New Adventure

2007-03-14T17:52:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I was browsing over LU!s sites and I unexpectedly bumped into this site - Perfect World http://www.levelupgames.ph/perfectworld/.

The game originated in China, hence, the storyline of this game also came from this country. This can be considered the counterpart of Ragnarok Online, but the whole gameplay experience is raised to a new level. The game promises a wide array of customization possibilities, 3 races with two job types on each race, a battle system that may rival WoW's/DOTA's battle system, 5,000 quests waiting to be discovered, and a whole lot more. Overall, this is a whole new adventure in one game.

More story soon...

Work, work, & work!

2006-10-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

Busy busy busy....as others would say.

I'm very very thankful that I finally landed on a job. Right now, I'm in my 5th week of training, and still trying to bunch my numbers up (I'm on the e-mail team).

Five weeks ago, I was very lucky that a friend finally informed me that their account is hiring (EA Games; I guess you'd have a pretty good guess who that friend is). Anyway, during the interview process, he'd go scaring and pressuring me that I should get the position. In my head I was thinking "Why not? This is a good job, not to mention the thing that I've been doing for months". Passing up this opportunity would be a great waste. Also, I've been itching to get out of the house...

So... the interview & test went on for the whole day. Every time I pass one 'stage', I exhaled a relieving sigh, with my hands clamped together and almost like praying (according to him). And as the final interview commenced, I can't help but shake. Why? Three things: Nervousness, chill (literally), and coffee; you expect me to be steady after 4 cups of coffee and little meals? I actually imagined myself collapsing while shaking after the interview. But thankfully, I'm no weakling. While one of the agents (and later realized it was a Tier 2) accompanied me to the jeep terminal, he told me that I'm in. And that was around 11:30 PM. Yup, my interview lasted till that time. But it was well worth it.

Two weeks of training with the guys (literally!), I was then assigned on the e-mail team. Again, lucky me - at that time I got so little money that I was really going hungry (almost). TC Lexy gave me pizza because I'm with the team then. And prior to that, a week ago when the storm was on (Milenya), the TCs from the phone support had a pizza party (food shortage in other words lol!). I got a portion of the pizza, and I was once again saved from starvation.

(Insert: please pardon my notes; I do kinda look pathetic but this is what really happened. Now, I'm trying to minimize my expenses. TY.)

And just last week, I got to "avoid" taking care of my younger siblings. My dad had to go to the hospital for an appendix surgeon, and my mom accompanied him. I guess it was pretty sneaky, but I can't afford getting stressed with the house problems. Not right now...

So, here I am, still working and kicking. I'm starting to get along with the people here; although at some points I'm still embarrassed and pretty 'shy' (gawd, this word is so childish-kinda -_-;;). I had so little time going online for pRO, and my other friends are starting to wonder where I disappeared to. I keep telling them I go home seldomly; a result of me 'camping' here in the office. But seriously, I'm enjoying my work and I have so much space than before. Of course, I still had those limitations.

Will update this again another time. Have to prepare for my 6 P.M. shift. Later~

Rubbing it more

2006-09-13T10:54:00.000+08:00

Right... my dad gave me a scolding this morning; a continuation of the same scolding from last night. I lost my senses early morning (yesterday), and unfortunately, forgot to put the locks of our shop in a safe place - where no one can get it. I'd say the two were safe (they're locked up in one of the door shop's handle) but one of them, admittedly, I forgot to lock up. When I was closing the shop, I realized one was missing. Yep, that one forgotten lock...

So, what seemed like eternity (right now) of scoldings, seems like my dad want to close the shop AGAIN (after what, 6-7 months of being closed?). I know it's not a small deal, but geez... and once more, he's rubbing it more; not to mention blaming me for the games I'm playing.

Gee, right, rub it more. Rub it so hard till it get dented so much no one will recognize. I'd love that, really! <_<

P.S. Did I mentioned that I'm accounted for so much guilt? No? Right, now you know...

Reality's nightmares

2006-09-12T15:02:00.000+08:00

Last night (or rather, last midnight), I've been chatting with some peeps regarding Thor server - guild alliance and such. A friend of mine way back Chaos (he's now retired from pRO) suddenly greeted me in YM. Quite surprised, I asked how he was doing, and vice versa. He asked how my job applications went, and how life's going on with me. Being (another) open-minded, I told him a part of my life which, up till now, haven't been able to tell to anyone. But his reaction, although part is what I predicted, another part is somewhat surprising.

What he said to me?

"...it's nice to discover that you're honest to yourself."

Like, "wow, really?" in my head. Coz' if I were really honest, I would've already killed myself. Or maybe, I've been driven out of our house. But maybe in a sense, I've been honest too. But since I have an idea of the consequences, I couldn't do anything. All I could do is nod and agree, and let them do the work. I guess that's the main reason why I couldn't do anything around here lately...

I also had that thought about something else; just this morning. I recall everyone that I've known since the start of the game. I had good times with them, in and out of the game. And then, they had to go - out of the game and into the real world. And it's still happening today.

I also recalled those high school days. How "aloof" I was during 3rd & 4th yr. And then it made me think - I guess I was too dependent afterall...

And all this time, I thought I could go on living by myself; no need for the others, just good ol' me. But then again, I couldn't do anything with myself either. I had to ask them whether something is good or bad; whether it's the right thing or the bad thing. After all this time, I was dependent on the people around me; and that when it's just me, I'm nothing. I couldn't decide anything.

Geez... I hate reality. Really.

Family time

2006-09-09T13:00:00.000+08:00

I had lunch with my family a while ago. Simple lunch - Misua and Okoy, accompanied with a 1.5L Coke. My youngest sister was once again doing her usual nagging after a choir meeting. She always does that when she feels a certain level of "hunger" or anxiety, and wants her needs to be fulfilled ASAP. My mom was fumed once again, but I guess lunch neutralized it a little. We had a little chitchat while we're finishing our servings.

My dad, on the other hand, was a little bit childish at the moment. He would try taking the potato chips my lil' sister was eating once in a while, and give that smirk - just to annoy her more. Really, he's such a kid sometimes. -_-;

My mom was telling us some of her annoying experiences; and what she did when they do annoy her. One of them is when she had an arguement about a certain issue. (Lol, my memory is just too faulty these days...) She would tell us that she never wanted to lose in a debate, and would do her best to win. It made me think "I guess that's where I got my 'warfreak' issues". But then again, some females really have a short temper and a bad taking on things. It's in the person, I guess (but genes still count! :D).

I also keep telling my mom that the okoy she cooked was good. Although, the food has that funny aftertaste. Maybe because I ate okoy with vinegar, and the taste doesn't really match with misua. Or maybe it's my imagination again... @_@

Thoughts about death & dying...

2006-09-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

Lol, creepy title for a first blog. :lol: But I guess this is good start to lay out some of my thoughts...

First off - Thor server in pRO. Right now, I can say I've exhausted all my motivation and excitement in playing pRO - once on top of the charts, now... almost 6 ft. under.

Since Aug. 2003, I was an avid fan of this game. And after about 2 years of my gametime in Chaos (and sidelining in Loki once in a while), I decided to play in Sakray, year 2005. I was later known there (hence the blogname =P), not because I was powerful or rich, but simply because... umm... my Super Novice was just cute. ^^;

Moving aside, since the outbreak of bots have detoriated the game greatly, playing was no longer that enjoyable. A lot of pioneers moved out of the game - some due to real life issues, some got fond of new online games, and some due to game issues. It's too many to remember, but my guild in Chaos started its end due to the latter.

(This is pretty long :lol:, hope you pardon my very sentimental thought)

So here it is, the so-called 'answer' to all those pioneers & anti-bot players: Thor server, said to be backed up with Ragdefender. And as of now, it's still effectively eliminating botters in jRO (Japan RO).

Well, the thing is - LU! has a reputation of "breaking promises'. The so-called 'no-more-botters' patch for gameguard (for the Lighthalzen patch supposedly) worked for a few weeks, afterwards invaded once more by bots. And the announcement they made on newspapers wasn't exactly motivating either.

So, the question is - will this server be my final resting place? For my characters at least... I plan on retiring from pRO like the rest did; that is, if this server doesn't work out. That excitement and joy in playing isn't even present in me right now, and I doubt Thor will bring that back. RO is hardly enjoyable - and right now, it feels so much like a waste to play (sorry to say). I'm still hoping that Thor will give me a final, memorable and happy run. If not, I'll go back to Sakray... maybe...

~0~0~0~0~0~

Second - yes, I've been under this so called 'depression'. Ever since I got cut-off from almost everything, I felt so eager yet afraid to do anything after I regained some of my connections. And also, well, there's these few matters in the house still unresolved... and that 'other' issue... (heck, I need a psychiatrist @_@)

I was seriously thinking of dying - death, in my sleep or in an accident. A few suicidal thoughts, but I'm too scared for that (HE will burn me in the otherworld when I do). But if there's one thing, one sinister & twisted thought - I like to see myself covered in blood before I die. All those blood oozing from my skin, and I'll look at it like it's nothing... (Gawd, creepy ain't it? :swt:).

~0~0~0~0~0~

Third - still death, but...

I keep recalling how my grandma died...

In that bed in the hospital; contently yet with much effort, she was eating her lunch (she was diagnosed to have an enlarged heart, and her arteries quite "hardened". She has to be confined because of it). I was helping her - I held the juice for her (a zest-o, in a tetra pack). I think she was about to say something to my aunt, which was also with us at the time. She first sipped a little of the juice, and before she could speak, she choked. The next thing I knew, I was running back and forth in the room and into the phone booth, calling my relatives - my grandma was dying, right there on her bed. Afterwards, all I could do was stay in one corner, watch all the participating people, and cry as my grandma was passing away.

In a corner of my mind, I was thinking - it was my fault she died. I should've taken extra care when I gave her her drink. But then one of my aunts, on one lamay said something like, it was nobody's fault - that it was already time. Strangely enough, no one actually talked to me about her death. That felt awfully weird, come to think of it...

~0~0~0~0~0~

Fourth - Steve Irwin's death (darn, I'll need sleep after this XD). The "Croc Hunter". The world's famous Aussie celebrity died due to a stingray's 'accurate' hit. "Oh, the world has lost another great person..."

News say he accidentally stepped on a stingray on his exploration. The stingray was surprised at this, and to defend itself, sends its tail right up to Steve - exactly on the ribcage, near the heart (at least that's what I heard). Whatever the news said, only one thing was clear - "...he died doing the one thing he love/d most..."
~0~0~0~0~0~

Right now, I've been thinking - there's no such thing as an "untimely" death. Whether game or person, death will surely come. We can't decide when we die. It'll come, whether we expect it or not.

So, what will you do before then? Me...

...I'll still play games and watch TV. Or keep working and doing church duties. Heck, do I know when I'll die? :lol: